1. |
I Can't See The Stars
03:25
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stars used to make shapes where we came from.
a man with a belt, the scales, a cup.
if i wanted to go, i could.
the distance was something i could not shake.
from me, to you, to the moon, you said,
if i wanted to go, we could.
rest my head on the sun.
all I see is white hot heat—
babe, can you see anything?
let’s list all the things we’ve done.
it reminds me what we’re doing here.
scars used to make shapes where we came from.
a girl with a pearl, the blood, a name.
if she wanted to go, she could.
rest my head on the sun.
all I see is white hot heat—
babe, can you see anything?
let’s list all the things we’ve done.
it reminds me what we’re doing here.
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2. |
Emaline
04:09
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her hair is straight.
you iron yours in the morning, and say,
“i like you. aren’t i just like you?”
two dixie cups.
one for you, and one for her. say,
“i like you. aren’t i just like you?”
i would tell you just how i felt, if i knew.
i will follow you, even though the answers
don’t reside in you.
just don’t tell me not to.
standing on your bed,
she tore down everything from your walls.
she was right to, and isn’t that just like you?
in the fitting room,
you dressed her and then she dressed you. said,
“i like you. aren’t i just like you?”
i would tell you just how i felt, if i knew.
i will follow you, even though the answers
don’t reside in you.
just don’t tell me not to.
today, she’s got a ring in her nose
and you’re wondering just how it got there.
did she stand at the mirror with a safety pin—
was there blood everywhere?
that would be so cool.
and isn’t that just like you?
you think she likes you, too.
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3. |
Your Muse
03:59
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every time i find myself behind bars,
you’re my only phone call.
feel like i’m in black and white,
depending on your kindness.
i trust you more than i trust myself.
if i tell the truth, will you let me out?
every time i wonder who i am,
i think it doesn’t matter.
in a dream i am your wife and
i wait for you to come home.
i trust you more than i trust myself.
if i tell the truth, will you let me out?
tears rolling down your face,
you say you did your best.
you did your best.
and maybe, if there were different stakes,
you’d say the words i needed you to say.
every time you show up at my door,
with your pens and notebook.
asking if there’s anything more
that i have to tell you.
about the blood and gore that i made myself.
so, i tell the truth. still, you won’t let me out.
tears rolling down your face,
you say you did your best.
you did your best.
and maybe, if there were different stakes,
you’d say the words i needed you to say.
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4. |
I've Said Enough
02:00
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i don't wanna live on this planet anymore.
and i don't believe in god anymore.
i've seen enough.
i don't wanna live in this house anymore.
and i don't believe in love anymore.
i've seen enough.
i don't wanna live in this body anymore.
and i don't believe i have anything to offer.
i've said enough.
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5. |
Sleep Machine
03:50
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woke up tired today, and came home tired today.
find my corner of the couch, and say,
“baby, baby, come lie down with me.
baby, baby, there is a buzzing in my head.”
didn’t perform my chores today, or eat the food you made for me.
find my corner of the couch, and say,
nothing. nothing. nothing, nothing, nothing.
nothing, nothing, and then it’s time to go to bed.
rest doesn’t come to me, and the mattress doesn’t comfort me.
your voice is rough and dry with sleep, to say,
“baby, baby, where are you going?
baby, baby,” but i really cannot stay.
i really cannot stay.
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6. |
Object Permanence
05:02
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lacking object permanence,
i don’t contain yesterday.
as a girl, i flirted with my diary, and
the very next day, i’d read, and say,
“that is not me.”
i don’t have memories,
i just have stories that i tell.
to a crowd, they come across a certain way, and
the very next day, to you, i’ll say,
“that is not me.”
so, the past is present.
what does that have to do with me?
seven years, and the cells in my body will be changed,
but it only takes a day, for me to say,
“that is not me.”
what am i doing tonight,
that i won’t do tomorrow?
that i didn’t do ten years ago?
i’m tired of my skin, and i’m tired of my bones,
and i can’t tell you anything i don’t know.
that is not me.
it was how i wanted to seem at the time.
it was who i wanted to be at the time.
is it only the wanting that’s mine?
is it only.
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7. |
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looking for myself in your vision,
strands of my hair full of meaning.
looking for myself in the television,
but it makes me so hungry.
truthfully, i’ve never felt
like a story i couldn’t tell.
oh, but what a thrill it must be
to be seen.
looking for myself in your vision;
you wrote the book on me.
looking for myself in the train station,
and the sound is deafening.
truthfully, i’ve never felt
like a story i couldn’t tell.
oh, but what a thrill it must be
to be seen.
do i see myself clearly, or do you?
i don’t like your stories, or your point of view.
and i’m tired of explaining myself to you.
truthfully, i’ve never felt
like a story i couldn’t tell.
oh, but what a thrill it must be
to be seen.
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8. |
Courtney II
05:01
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in my fantasy life, you die, tragically.
and who’s to say if it was you, or it was me, to blame.
i orchestrate an end, never-ending.
live to fall in love again and again,
then open my eyes and see no imprint.
dream up more games that no one can win—
i already stopped listening.
i went blind the first time I saw your face.
in my defense, penetration leaves a hole.
i carry you with me everywhere i go these days.
i can depend on myself for the legend.
live to fall in love again and again,
then open my eyes and see no imprint.
dream up more games that no one can win—
i already stopped listening.
i went blind the first time i saw your face.
baby, when we’re together, there is nothing better.
but we can’t be together all the time.
i’ve still got my mind, all the time.
i’ve still got my mind.
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9. |
Annihilation
04:05
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he said, “don’t cut your hair just ‘cause you’re feeling mad.
you’ll look in the mirror and won’t know who you’re staring at.”
what would my eyes see, if they weren’t in my head?
check the box: organ donor. i hope he asks them.
there was a connection, there was a passion
from my head to my hands when i was brand new.
there was a vision, there was an action,
things i would learn to regret—and i do.
i said, “don't you miss me putting my hand through glass?”
do you even recognize this girl? tell me who you’re looking at.
what do your eyes see, the present or the past?
watching snow fall through our window, what’s reflected?
there was a connection, there was a passion
from my head to my hands when i was brand new.
there was a vision, there was an action,
things i would learn to regret—and i do.
there was a connection, there was a question
from my teeth to your lips when we were brand new.
there was a revision, there was an action,
things we would have to forget—and we do.
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10. |
Don't Turn On The Lights
03:23
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when i’m not here, do you turn on the lights?
you’re not my prisoner.
i just need to know if you like what i like.
do you open the window like i like,
or wear the clothes that i like?
i am never satisfied, tell me.
if you and i are composed of atoms,
why’s the barrier so solid?
why can’t it be like breaths intermingling?
i need to know everything i can control.
when you’re not here, i turn on the lights.
i pace from room to room,
searching the spaces someone could hide.
i don’t open the window like i like,
or wear the clothes that i like.
i am someone i don’t like—come home.
if you and i are composed of atoms,
why’s the barrier so solid?
why can’t it be like breaths intermingling?
i need to know everything i can control.
listen to me, you can do anything that you want.
don’t turn on the lights.
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11. |
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wanna live forever, does forever work for you?
cross frozen oceans, and find our way to the moon.
okay, i’ll keep my body, if it’s what i have to do.
i’ll dream small, keep it something we can execute.
i can picture it, still renting in the same apartment.
as long as my mind stays in my head,
and your mind stays in your head.
that’s it.
wanna live forever, as long as you do, too.
thought the impulse was for me alone, until i met you.
i can picture it, still renting in the same apartment.
as long as my mind stays in my head,
and your mind stays in your head.
that’s it.
and i know it’s getting bad,
when i can’t stop the thoughts in my head
thinking that my thoughts are gonna stop.
and i know it’s getting bad,
when i lie next to you in bed, crying,
begging you not to die, don’t die, don’t die,
please just stay alive—
at least one second more than i do.
that’s all i’m asking you.
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12. |
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this isn't gonna work.
i don't deserve it.
this isn't gonna work.
if it did, i wouldn't want it.
wish someone had told me
when i was young
that i'd be loved.
i'm not prepared for it.
i'm not prepared for this.
i told you, "still water isn't safe to drink."
when are we leaving?
you sit there hypnotized,
while i look for reassurance in your eyes.
when are we leaving?
don't you love me?
i wonder what you tell your friends about me.
do you air our dirty laundry?
they say i'm a legend.
that doesn't sound very real to me.
are you hypnotized?
this isn't gonna work.
i don't deserve it.
this isn't gonna work.
but i don't care, i want it.
everyday, i ask you a question:
"do you wanna run away with me?"
and everyday, you answer,
"when are we leaving?"
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fear of blushing New York
fear of blushing is james parenti and krystle phelps. they are in love.
fear of blushing recommends:
Don't Be Gone Long, Ellen
by James Parenti
james' second solo record.
go to album
Maybe That's Why We Lost
by James Parenti
james' first solo record.
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Transatlantic 5-piece releases sun-kissed indie sounds (on yellow cassette). Currently a Bandcamp exclusive.
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Sorry I Haven't Called
by Vagabon
The alternative artist's latest album is a testament to the value of taking each chapter of life as it comes.
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