1. |
Persistence of Memory
02:47
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how many days--
how many days will it take
to add up to a single night of sleep?
i never get deep enough
to dream.
how many days--
how many days will it take
for all the cells in my brain to atrophy
and you stop giving me your favorite books
to read?
how do you stop a ticking clock
singing "time, time, time"
and melting into something else--
whole days that are meaningless?
it wasn't always like this.
how many days--
how many days will it take
to shed every minute spent without you--
and it feels like when we were kids
with nothing to do?
how do you stop a ticking clock
singing "time, time, time"
and melting into something else--
whole days that are meaningless?
it wasn't always like this.
i just want to go home.
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2. |
Zombies
02:59
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lotto's at four hundred million
and i just want a chance
to rocket out of my circumstance.
i'm not alone in that.
friends think i should see a therapist
to help me better deal with my existence...
but i don't want to be happy.
i don't want to be happy like this,
or just accept that's the way it is.
i am not a mystery to myself
and i don't see the point
of spinning anything some other way.
why fool myself?
why exorcise the wild things?
i didn't put them in there but they're a part of me...
and i don't want to be happy.
i don't want to be happy like this,
or just accept that's the way it is.
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3. |
All My Friends Are Dead
04:12
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it doesn't feel good
to love you anymore.
to watch your light fade.
it doesn't feel good
to speak to you anymore.
i'm tired of the spin, the empty logic.
i'm so happy you're happy.
i'm happy, too.
it doesn't feel good
to see you anymore.
i'm teaching myself to hate you.
it doesn't feel good
and it doesn't feel natural
to think of you that way--
or like a friend that's passed away.
i'm so happy you're happy.
i'm happy, too.
'cause i decide what's worth going through.
i'm so happy you're happy.
i am happy, too.
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4. |
Hope This Dress Fits
04:17
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i hope this dress fits,
and it's not another stinging-eyed exhale.
as a kid surgery forced this tomboy into frilly things.
still don't want my clothes to touch me.
and i don't wanna be held by anything.
and i don't wanna be penetrated by
anything-anything-anything.
i like pretty things,
but i don't want to have to be a pretty thing
if i don't want to be the thing you point your finger at or photograph
on the train. i'm just trying to go home.
and i don't wanna be held by your gaze.
and i don't wanna be penetrated by
anything-anything-anything.
this could be my last chance
to look good in the photograph.
i hope this dress fits,
'cause i am living in it.
i am the pretty thing that lives in my house.
i am the ugly thing that lives in my house.
and i'm never going out.
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5. |
Thousand Natural Shocks
04:08
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there's nothing left to do.
there's nothing you can do to stop it.
maybe things just stop.
maybe things just happen,
and you keep going on.
i wanted to know someone,
and i know you.
i wanted to be someone,
and with you, i got to.
there's nothing left to do
but tell you:
i've lived with you
every day of my life.
even if you have stepped aside,
every second that you've been alive,
i've been alive.
there's nothing left to do.
except become who you're going to.
you're only in charge of yourself--
you're in charge of the things that you do--
and what did you do?
i wanted to hold someone,
so i held you.
i wanted to live forever,
and i still do, so
i've lived with you
every day of my life.
even if you have stepped aside,
every second that you've been alive,
i've been alive.
i've had something on my mind
in the shape of you.
i've had something on my mind
but i left room for you.
there's nothing i can do.
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6. |
I'm Not Tired
04:16
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when the morning comes i'm already up.
at three a.m. i'm squinting at the clock
wondering:
is that really what time it is?
and what kind of body keeps doing this?
tried the pills:
melatonin, benadryl.
tried the teas:
chamomile, valerian root, lavender, peppermint, ginger.
you'd think that
night after night of this circumstance--
you'd think that
the body would cry, "it's too much, i will sleep tonight, i will sleep tonight, i will sleep through the night."
the fog will clear away, someday it'll be clear.
maybe we could start sleeping in shifts.
picture this:
a lion pride existence.
with a body and mind that are connected.
it feels silly to say i'm tired. i'm not tied.
i can't sleep, so how could i be tired?
i'm not tired, i'm not tired,
i just can't sleep.
i just can't speak
the words that i want to say.
maybe someday.
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7. |
Prove It
01:42
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everything i want to say to you is petty
and i don't want to be petty.
i don't even want to be right.
once i held you as you cried.
you said losing her would ruin your life--
you'd rather die.
and i don't want to be petty.
i know you never saw me like that.
i doubt you'd even comfort me if i cried.
i don't want to be right.
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8. |
Quarantine
04:34
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i was born for this moment--
don't have to leave the apartment anymore.
i was born for this moment--
gonna lie in my bed and think
any thought i want
until i fall asleep.
i hated to commute, now i don't have to commute.
i wanted to do good, now i'm finally doing that.
by
doing nothing-nothing-nothing.
touching no one-no one-no one.
doing nothing-nothing-nothing.
touching no one-no one-no one.
i was raised for this moment--
bedroom a garage converted with the door out.
i was raised for this moment--
could leave any time i wanted, never did.
i only let people in
and i regret it.
i hated all my friends, now i don't have any friends.
i wanted to do good, now i'm finally doing that.
by
doing nothing-nothing-nothing.
touching no one-no one-no one.
doing nothing-nothing-nothing.
touching no one-no one-no one.
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9. |
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a dream catcher
a table
two chairs
a mirror
another mirror
another mirror
another mirror
another mirror
a bed
dirty sheets
a desk
we never use
a couch
i'd never leave
if they let me
two cats
you
me
if it were up to me
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10. |
Courtney IV
04:21
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if you see me,
know that i'm thinking about
you thinking about me.
there's something nameless and faceless
to the things that i do,
and the things that i think.
i can't stop being seen.
i can't stop listening.
i just want everything.
i want everything, that's all.
everything that i won't give,
i want you to give,
that's all.
if you see her
walking in a picture
of her walking down third street.
it doesn't feel any different
from the way that i feel
when i'm walking down third street.
i can't stop being seen.
i can't stop posing.
i just want everything.
i want everything, that's all.
everything that i won't give,
i want you to give,
that's all.
in a couple of years
if you happen to see
yourself seeing me.
the subject may have changed,
but the object stays the same.
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11. |
Still There
05:27
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i think that heaven could last forever
and i'd still be hungry.
i think this moment could last forever
and i'd still be so angry.
i don't believe you can't
have one without the other.
i just don't know how
to get the other out.
heaven. heaven, to me--
not that i believe in heaven.
i think your mind stops, and your body rots--
heaven. heaven to me:
would be like building a home
for you, and me, and the kitties.
i don't know, i don't know
where my mind goes in moments of bliss.
i don't know, i don't know
where my mind goes in moments of complete sadness.
thinking about the talking heads lyric:
"a place where nothing ever happens."
still kissing the same kiss.
still listening to the very same love song.
still there, still there, still there, gone.
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12. |
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if i met you for the first time tonight,
i wouldn't miss your long hair
'cause i wouldn't know it.
if you met me tonight, would you still love me?
i keep forgetting to cut my hair
and it's touching the street.
i've tried to tell you that i'm sorry that you love me.
i really do love your short hair,
and your beard, and your mascara eyelashes.
i've always prized my intellect,
but i would love to be a housecat.
that or someone so pretty--
someone that would stop you in your tracks
on the street
if we meet.
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fear of blushing New York
fear of blushing is james parenti and krystle phelps. they are in love.
fear of blushing recommends:
Don't Be Gone Long, Ellen
by James Parenti
james' second solo record.
go to album
Maybe That's Why We Lost
by James Parenti
james' first solo record.
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An early live album that captures Sonic Youth at their chaotic best.
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