1. |
Look for the Helpers
04:04
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i wanna take a walk with my love.
so, it's gonna take something from me.
how much could one person take?
strange to thing i used to use my keys
and leave the house every day.
so, it's gonna take something from me.
still have to wake up, anyway,
and face the day.
trust me, i was asleep last night.
i tried and i tried and i tried and i tried and i tried.
i wanna look up at the stars.
so, it's gonna put a weight on me.
how much can one person take?
strange to think i used to breathe unimpeded
and fall in love everyday.
so, it's gonna put a weight on me
to have to see the lines of your face
with every breath i take.
trust me, i was asleep last night.
i tried and i tried and i tried and i tried and i tried.
if i was an empty room, how much could one person steal?
if i was an empty room, how much could one person feel?
how much can one person take?
and one person take, and one person take, and one person
take and take and take and take and take and take and take and take
'til the earth shakes
and forces you to the doorway.
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2. |
Fiji
02:52
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there is no sidewalk, and no cloud.
no trees push up from the ground.
there is no man, and no moon.
no words that could sway you.
if you are real, then nothing else is.
there is no school,
no soda shop,
no cheerleader,
no secret spot.
if you are real, then nothing else is.
there is no toast to all that we achieved.
no champagne knuckles or things left to believe.
there is no safe space, so no need for walls.
everything finds a way in,
everything is contaminated,
everything is forbidden,
every no says 'no' again.
if you are real, then nothing else is.
there is no school,
no soda shop,
no cheerleader,
no secret spot.
if you are real, then nothing else is.
if you are real, then nothing else is.
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3. |
But You're Not Listening
03:52
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i have always known the way i feel
every second of every day
i have always known the very words
i had to say.
and didn't have to say.
and had to say.
am i very brave, or maybe still naive,
to think the things i say
could touch you in any single way.
there's so much space,
even when you're inches away.
there's so much space,
there's a barrier, there's something in the way.
i said the words, and i said them right.
i'm not satisfied.
there's so much space,
even when you're inches away.
there's so much space,
there's a barrier, there's something in the way.
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4. |
The Haunting
03:40
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i think that i would like to break your heart.
the only question mark is how to do it?
i always do something to myself.
would that do anything for you?
i think that i would like to haunt you a little bit.
i think it'd be a good ghost except when it comes to
affecting the human plane.
couldn't even nudge a feather.
how many people do i know now and
how many people will i know then?
it's a figure drawing of diminishing returns.
and all i really wanna know is:
who will be at my funeral today?
i think that i would like to kill you, my dear friend.
wear black to the end and shed a few tears.
i always do something to myself,
maybe i'd rather do it to someone else.
instead of trying to slide a penny across the floor to you.
how many people do i love now and
how many people will i love then?
it's a figure drawing of diminishing returns.
and all i really wanna know is:
i'll be at our funeral today.
our funeral today.
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5. |
Unimaginary Friend
01:10
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happy anniversary
to the last time you spoke to me.
at least we're both still alive, i guess.
if i saw your face again,
i'm sure you'd have nothing to say.
you never said anything anyway.
happy anniversary
to the toy soldiers on your bridge
that i can never cross again.
if i ever saw your face,
i'd tell you we were friends
and i still talk to you in my head.
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6. |
Courtney V
04:16
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tell me a story about me
and try not to let it be
a summation of all the things
i've done to wrong you, baby.
it could be anything.
i had to have done some little good in my life.
and even if it hurt, we are mostly all still alive.
i think it's time.
tell me a story.
tell me a story of me.
tell me a story.
you don't know what it would mean to me.
tell me a story.
tell me a story of me.
tell me a story.
just make it something i'd believe.
what part of me do you adore
that isn't a cut of meat?
i'm authoring my legacy
but my mind is fuzzy, baby.
wednesday says, "i'm hungry, mama."
wednesday says, "don't you love me?"
wednesday says, "i wish i wasn't your daughter."
so tell her a story. tell her a story of me.
tell her a story.
tell her a story of me.
tell her a story.
you don't know what it would mean to me.
tell her a story.
tell her a story of me.
tell her a story.
just make it something she'd believe.
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7. |
Drinking Poison
03:51
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been drinking poison from a young age.
it taught me to be angry.
maybe if i though the right thoughts
it wouldn't be this way.
maybe if i was happy with what i got
i would be here today, saying:
it's alright.
everything's all right.
not just for tonight,
not just because we imbibed.
everything is alright
from now on.
been drinking the kool-aid from a very young age.
it taught me to hate myself.
it always occurs to me to feel so guilty
for any space i take up.
it's obvious to me to be a walking apology
for being here, breathing here.
it's alright.
everything's all right.
not just for tonight,
not just because we imbibed.
everything is alright
from now on.
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8. |
Talking to My TV
03:48
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i've been developing a strange habit.
when i'm watching tv
and disaster overwhelms anybody
i say, "i'm sorry, baby. i'm sorry, baby.
you don't deserve it."
twisted myself into knots trying to solve it.
even though the answer is clear.
i just want somebody other than me
to say, "i'm sorry, baby. i'm sorry, baby."
and say it to me.
you don't deserve it.
maybe if i say it enough,
i won't need it.
maybe if i say it enough,
i won't need it.
maybe.
maybe if i say it enough,
i'll hear it.
maybe if i say it enough,
i'll hear it.
maybe.
maybe, baby.
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9. |
Claudia as Priest
03:20
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do you forgive me when my stomach is bottomless
and i think i can eat the world?
do you forgive me for when i'm too sick to take a bite
and refuse to leave the home.
when i'm flying,
my cat becomes my priest.
she looks at me with tender eyes
and i know i'm forgiven.
could you forgive me for sunday, and everyday after that?
i'll count my rosary pearl by pearl.
could you forgive me, i wonder, i have nightmares about that
where i'm begging you to come home.
i've got this feeling i'm guilty naturally.
my body's unbruised, i've touched nothing, so maybe
it's just what my mother's mother's mother's mother's mother
thought that i should think, or i should act.
when i'm flying,
my cat becomes my priest.
she looks at me with tender eyes
and i know i'm forgiven.
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10. |
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i would like to say
that i don't forgive you, anyway.
and the time i spent with you
i wish i could undo.
i don't forgive you pennsylvania.
i don't forgive you florida.
i don't forgive you staten island.
i'm never sticking a toe in again.
i made a mistake.
i trusted that you wouldn't kill me.
inside the coffin you built for me, i am scream
i would never do this to you.
i don't forgive you pennsylvania.
i don't forgive you florida.
i don't forgive you staten island.
you made sure i'm never sticking a toe in again.
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11. |
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there's nothing there.
i have to find a way
to be okay with nothing.
there's nothing there.
i have to find a way to be still
and be nothing.
goodnight, dear void, good night.
we've known each other a long time.
goodnight, dear void, goodnight.
goodnight.
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12. |
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at the height of my powers
i could read a book a day.
i can't be past my prime
just 'cause i haven't been able to do that
since i was nine, or nineteen, or so.
i don't if you remember this
but five years ago we were wishing
for the things we have today.
i can't be past my prime.
i can't be out of time.
"at the height of my powers."
what would that look like?
an ideal situation would be
to be like my girl, wednesday
on a wednesday.
bright-eyed, starting shit,
begging us to play with her forever.
she's insatiable on wednesdays.
i can admit i'm not doing my part.
i can admit that i'm not doing my part.
but i shouldn't have to do it alone all the time.
feel like the tide is against me.
feel like my biology is against me.
an ideal situation would be
to be like my girl, wednesday
on a wednesday.
bright-eyed, starting shit,
begging us to play with her forever.
she's insatiable on wednesdays.
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fear of blushing New York
fear of blushing is james parenti and krystle phelps. they are in love.
fear of blushing recommends:
Don't Be Gone Long, Ellen
by James Parenti
james' second solo record.
go to album
Maybe That's Why We Lost
by James Parenti
james' first solo record.
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A concept record about hiding under the ocean told with dreamy synths, buried vocals, and soft programmed drums.
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Melodic post-grunge that eschews all of the negative connotations of that phrase and embraces all the positives: huge hooks, huge-r riffs.
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featured on Bandcamp Radio Oct 29, 2019
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Transatlantic 5-piece releases sun-kissed indie sounds (on yellow cassette). Currently a Bandcamp exclusive.
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