1. |
Chrissy
02:01
|
|||
|
i know that i could tell you everything.
i know that i could tell you everything
and you won't care.
and some tiny guilty speck of you will hit back.
and tell me it's not that bad,
what he did is not that bad,
it's just what people do.
it's just what people do to each other.
and i keep thinking of a setup to a joke:
if a woman falls in the woods-
no.
if a woman screams in the woods,
i don't know, i don't know.
|
||||
2. |
I Can't Kill You
03:39
|
|||
|
you cannot be moved.
the only way out is to kill you,
and i can't kill you.
i don't know what to do.
but no matter what i chose, i lose,
and i can't lose you.
if you were to touch my face,
i would find you there in every knotted place of pain
that makes me flinch away and break everything
in an attempt to be free of this.
you cannot be moved.
all my life i tried to hold you,
but i can't hold you.
i don't know what to do.
i gave all i had to feed you,
but nothing sates you.
if you were to touch my face,
i would find you there in every knotted place of pain
that makes me flinch away and break everything
in an attempt to be free of this.
free of me.
free of me.
free of me.
|
||||
3. |
Craterface
03:14
|
|||
|
i'm talking to the moon again.
you're not a light, are you?
you're solid.
pulling my heels off the concrete,
how unlikely that we'd meet
with the sun in our eyes.
darling, would you mind
if i take a nap in your crater?
if i always show up late?
if i never wash a single plate?
my body is speaking to you.
it's so nice to meet you.
i'm talking to the moon again.
i'm happy to report
you're my only friend.
i'm ready this time, i promise,
for how weightless we'll both feel
floating in space.
darling, would you mind
if i take a nap in your crater?
if i always show up late?
if i never wash a single plate?
my body is speaking to you.
it's so nice to meet you.
i love you, moon.
i really do.
i really do.
|
||||
4. |
Evie
03:03
|
|||
|
i'm building a bridge to you.
i heard your voice, and for the first time
i felt spoken to.
i made space in my story for you.
when i open my mouth, your voice comes out,
and it's just like you're in the room.
broke my perfume in the sink,
and carved your name in me.
so you think that this is about you--
but it's not about you.
it's about how i feel.
how i feel.
how i feel.
it's so nice to share a room with you.
vibrating out out my skin wondering if
i could touch you.
|
||||
5. |
Paint Me a Picture
05:22
|
|||
|
you are aging well, i have to say.
and all our high school friends are having babies.
that's not something my body can do for you.
and even if it could, i wouldn't want to
pass this on.
you dare to suggest that you love me best
with every passing day--as if i'm not decaying.
i'm not that girl you first bet on.
time has made me bitter and i'm not as strong
as i thought.
if you really see something in me,
paint me a picture.
let color splotch on your face and cheeks,
and streak in my hair when you touch me.
if you really see something in me,
congratulations.
you feel what you feel, i have to accept,
or i will go crazy looking for the cracks.
but there is a photo of me that you love
that i personally can not stand
the sight of.
if you really see something in me,
paint me a picture.
let color splotch on your face and cheeks,
and streak in my hair when you touch me.
if you really see something in me...
|
||||
6. |
Cats of My Neighborhood
04:54
|
|||
|
i'm afraid to tell you that i'm sad.
because my favorite cat on the internet is sick,
i sat down and cried today.
and i imagine if you knew
all the things i feel
it'd be pretty scary.
it feels that way to me, too.
it feels that way to me, too.
the cats on my street keep me sane.
but that's too much pressure on little creatures
who don't even know my name.
and i imagine if you knew
all the windows i've looked into
it'd be pretty creepy.
it feels that way to me, too.
it feels that way to me, too.
looking in on lives i cannot have.
i love too easy, that's my problem,
but i'm trying
to direct it all to you, to give it all to you,
and tell you all the things in my head.
like last night, i had a nightmare.
dozens of cats were trying to get in the front door.
their shaking bodies covered with blood,
making streaks on the floor. and i said,
"please, please, please, you can't be in here.
please, please, please, i don't wanna hurt you.
your bones would crack in my hands."
and i imagine if you knew
all the things i fear
it'd seem pretty crazy.
it feels that way to me, too.
it feels that way to me, too.
|
||||
7. |
Needles
03:21
|
|||
|
the only place you can get blood from me
is a vein between my knuckles.
it doesn't hurt me anymore,
i am very used to needles.
and all the extra holes in me,
from nurses trying to save me the pain
of listening to me.
i don't believe that i will stop
screaming anytime soon.
so strange to think that
when i'm at my weakest
i have to fight you.
the only way i can get meds from you
is to bleed a truth you can't deny.
i stay hydrated so it runs quickly
into vial after vial.
and when i'm riding back home,
does anybody else on this train
notice the tiny bandaids?
i don't believe that i will stop
screaming anytime soon.
so strange to think that
when i'm at my weakest
i have to fight you.
and you really are not listening.
|
||||
8. |
Apt. 1F
04:25
|
|||
|
the apartment is hot.
keep calling the landlord
begging him to turn down the heat.
should have taken a shower this morning,
but it's dark outside again so it's too late for that.
wanna open a window,
every single window,
and scream:
"we are living here!"
negative ten degrees,
my head hanging out the window,
heat puffing out like smoke.
we are living here,
we are living here.
and we keep hanging pictures on the wall.
every piece a secret that only we know,
we know, we know.
the apartment is hot.
hair plastered to my head,
skin grimy with sweat.
me and my baby take cold showers all through the summer,
and it barely makes a dent.
wanna open a window,
every single window,
and scream:
"we are living here!"
ninety-five degrees,
my head hanging out the window,
trying to catch a breath of breeze.
we are living here,
we are living here.
and we keep hanging pictures on the wall.
every piece a secret that only we know,
we know, we know
we are living here.
we are living here.
we are living here.
|
||||
9. |
Pillowfort
04:09
|
|||
|
underneath the sheets, in secret,
i can ask you, "where can we go?"
there has to be snow there,
and we can't go back where we've been,
and we can't stay here.
underneath the sheets, in silence,
we don't have to hold onto anything
that's done nothing but hurt us.
and i don't have to say what i think
for you to hear me.
if you want to burn down our life,
you don't have to tell me.
we can hide out in the pillowfort
that is our bed.
underneath the sheets, in this moment,
i can promise you there's nothing you could feel
that i haven't felt, too.
don't you know that i follow you everywhere?
it's my favorite thing to do.
if you want to burn down our life,
you don't have to tell me.
we can hide out in the pillowfort
that is our bed.
just crawl in, and gather what strength you have left,
and scream and scream and scream.
and scream and scream.
and when we climb out,
you can try again.
you can try again.
|
||||
10. |
Courtney III
05:33
|
|||
|
it's you and me against the world, babe.
and even when it's not, i'll make it that way.
it's you and me against the world, babe.
i've never felt this way,
and neither will you.
your light is bright, they say.
don't worry about what they write about me.
your light is bright, they say.
and it illuminates me.
they're see what they see.
and i had a dream last night
that you just gave up the fight.
the blood in our veins
was thin and humming.
and i can't explain all the realities
that live in my brain.
it's never quiet for long.
i've never been one to suffer in silence.
it's never quiet for long.
and all you want is peace.
so why'd you pick me?
and i had a dream last night
that you just gave up the fight.
the blood in our veins
was thin and humming.
and i can't explain all the realities
that live in my brain.
and i need you to apologize
for all the things that you said
in my mind.
in my mind.
in my mind
you will find:
a coloring book, a ribbon from a doll i had when i was five, the pills, a buzzing bee hive, and the stories that keep me alive.
|
||||
11. |
Leave No Trace
03:42
|
|||
|
all right, all right,
we will have to make tonight
be good enough for now.
i don't want to fall asleep,
i don't even wanna dream,
i just want to be with you.
to know i'm here,
and for you to know, too.
all right, all right,
we will have to say goodbye,
for a time, somehow.
say it while we're both asleep,
an unconscious unwinding.
or i'll just try to follow you.
i can't be here,
if you're not here, too.
all right, all right.
on new year's night,
i suggest that you and i write
letters for the one who doesn't die.
and you don't think it's morbid,
you don't think it's morbid.
and i tell you, i know i'll leave no trace
except for inside you.
and i hope these letters remind you
how to remember me.
and tell you:
"baby, it's all right."
|
||||
12. |
Nevertheless
02:45
|
|||
|
"i don't wanna do this," he said.
"i don't wanna do this," i said.
and then we did,
and then we did.
we are always walking against the wind.
we are always crawling, pebbles digging into our knees.
"i don't wanna do this," he said.
"i don't wanna do this," i said.
and then we did,
and then we did.
|
||||
fear of blushing New York
fear of blushing is james parenti and krystle phelps. they are in love.
fear of blushing recommends:
Don't Be Gone Long, Ellen
by James Parenti
james' second solo record.
go to album
Maybe That's Why We Lost
by James Parenti
james' first solo record.
go to albumIf you like fear of blushing, you may also like:
Transatlantic 5-piece releases sun-kissed indie sounds (on yellow cassette). Currently a Bandcamp exclusive.
go to album
Super pretty indie pop from Seattle that tips its hat to Sufjan Stevens.
go to album
Melodic post-grunge that eschews all of the negative connotations of that phrase and embraces all the positives: huge hooks, huge-r riffs.
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Oct 29, 2019
go to album
